


Paradox

by blighted_star



Category: Roswell (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-02
Updated: 2017-11-02
Packaged: 2019-01-28 06:57:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,543
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12600864
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blighted_star/pseuds/blighted_star
Summary: A one-shot fic that takes place during Four Aliens and a Baby. Max is driving with Tess and Zan to Michael's apartment, and she shows him a shocking memory.





	Paradox

**Author's Note:**

> This is a pro-Tess fic, so if you hate her or don't have an open mind then you'll probably hate this story.

Another helicopter flew overhead and casted a spotlight directly over Max's car, which illuminated the entire interior of his vehicle. Max pressed his foot on the gas, only slightly. He couldn't drive too fast and attract attention, but he wanted to get back into the shadows as soon as possible. The speedometer held steady at forty miles per hour. It was a perfectly normal speed that would not raise suspicion. In just a few more minutes they'd arrive at Michael's apartment. Zan would be safer once they were indoors. Max looked to his left and made sure the military wasn't lurking in the dark alleyways. Thankfully, no one was around, but movement on his right attracted his attention. Max glanced at Tess, who slouched in her seat and adjusted her oversized coat to cover their son. Even though Tess' head was down, she couldn't fully hide. The light made her blonde hair shine, but Zan was completely hidden.

After a few seconds, when the helicopter flew away, Max loosened his grip on the steering wheel and exhaled the breath he didn't realize he had been holding. The bead of sweat that formed on his brow slowly fell down his face, and he wiped it away.

Tess exhaled, loudly, too. She opened her coat only a little, so some of Zan's face could be seen. The baby was blissfully unaware of all the danger that surrounded them. Max examined Tess while she lightly kissed the top of Zan's head, and the baby opened his toothless mouth to smile and cooed in reaction.

Max had a hard time reconciling her behavior towards Zan with what she did to Alex, to all of them. Here was a cold-blooded killer, someone who took away Alex's freewill, destroyed his mind and created an elaborate story to cover up his death, being tender and loving towards someone she only got pregnant with because that's what the deal required.

What Tess did to Alex was only a small percentage of her sins. Everything Tess said and did ever since she first showed up in Roswell was a lie. She never cared about anyone except herself.

Then, there was the deal she made with Kivar, or rather, the deal Nasedo made that she promised to fulfill. Why would she ever decide to carry out the deal and help someone who was responsible for her own death and hundreds of others?

Max's attention shifted from Tess to the road. He was glad no one else was out tonight and that all the stores he passed by were closed. Two more minutes and they'd be at Michael's apartment. Max already knew how his friend would react when he saw Tess' face. He'd blow her to oblivion, but even though she deserved it, Max couldn't let Michael harm her. Zan needed his mother. Even if she wasn't the greatest person, Max didn't have any doubts that she loved Zan.

She may have been willing to give Zan up to Kivar in the past, but for some reason she changed her mind and saved Zan when the dictator was going to kill him. Max didn't know when or what made her start to care about someone other than herself, but nothing about Tess ever made sense. Trying to figure her out was pointless. She always was and always would be a mystery to him.

Not only that, but he wasn't a killer. Tess may have been okay with delivering him, Michael and Isabel to their enemy, but he wasn't okay with letting the military have their way with her.

Max looked at Tess once more. She was still slouching in the seat and Zan's head was resting on her chest. Right now, she looked harmless and innocent. In a way, Max couldn't believe she was capable of killing Alex, but Kyle had seen it with his own eyes.

That was another thing he'd never be able to understand. Tess forced her own brother, one of the only people who truly accepted her, and the person she was undoubtedly closest to, into covering up Alex's death. How was she able to face Kyle after making him do something like that? How could she make him do something like that in the first place?

_"Because she never cared,"_ Max had to remind himself. _"She uses people as pawns. That's what evil people do."_

Max tightly gripped the steering wheel causing the skin around his knuckles to whiten. Thinking about all the things Tess did, and how she didn't care who she hurt as long as she got what she wanted, was making him very angry again.

"No," Tess said, softly.

Max looked in her direction. Zan had a fistful of her long hair in his tiny hand and she was trying to loosen his hold on her.

"Let go of mommy's hair," she pried his fingers loose. When she was free, she applied multiple kisses to her son's hand and then proceeded to kiss his cheek. The baby squealed in delight.

Moments like this, where Tess actually acted like a human instead of the girl who obsessively spoke about destiny, made Max trust his instincts to not turn her in. Hopefully, he wouldn't come to regret this decision.

" _Tess has a way of playing with your feelings,"_ Max thought.

He shook his head as he remembered how she played him for a fool for a whole year. She did a good job, pretending to love him and slowly gaining his trust, and even respect. She waited patiently and successfully took advantage of him during a time when he was the most vulnerable to get pregnant.

Tess lifted her eyes from Zan to the area straight ahead of them. Her blue eyes grew wide and she screamed, "Max!"

He stopped looking at her to see why she was scared and saw that he was about to go through a red light, straight into another car. A loud, drawn out horn came from the other vehicle and Max immediately slammed his foot down on the break. The tires squealed loudly and the car came to a sharp stop only a few feet in front of the other one.

The person in the other vehicle gave Max a dirty look as he drove away, still honking the horn, and Max could make out some nasty words being said, too.

Shaken, Max pulled his car over to the side of the road.

"Should I drive?" Tess asked after a minute of silence. She looked scared and she held the baby close.

"No," Max snapped. He was capable of getting them to Michael's apartment. Plus, he did not trust Tess enough to give up control of the escape, even if it was to do something small like driving a car. Also, if he was being honest, in the back of his mind, Max thought that Tess may have some kind of secret plan to drive him straight to Kivar. He really wouldn't put it past her to have lied about the events leading to her return and to still be working with Kivar.

"I just think if I drive, I can keep us in one piece," she stated.

"Like how you kept Alex's mind in one piece," Max responded, bitterly.

Tess didn't respond, but he could see she was hurt by his comment. Why should she be hurt when he was only speaking the truth? Tess did not have the best track record when it came to keeping people safe.

Max paused, and then he asked, "How's Zan?" The baby didn't cry at all during or after the almost-crash.

"He's fine," Tess opened her coat more. Zan was resting his head on Tess' body and yawning. It wasn't a surprise that he was tired considering he'd been through a lot like escaping another planet and traveling across the universe.

"Is he always this quiet?" Max asked. He checked to make sure no cars were coming and started to drive again.

"Yea," Tess replied. "He's quiet, like you."

Max glanced at her, for only a second, and she was smiling at him. He turned away.

"He only really cries when he's hungry. I remember after he was born, he didn't cry and that worried me. I thought something was wrong."

Max stayed silent, but he was happy to hear about his son's birth. Months ago, when he figured it was around the time Zan was supposed to be born, his mind often drifted off and he wondered what his son's birth was like.

"He's a really good baby, Max," Tess said, proudly. "Kivar allowed me to keep Zan in my room, and he rarely kept me up. And he hardly made a sound when we escaped. Zan not crying made it easier to get past Kivar's guards."

Max shifted his gaze from the empty road to Tess. He wanted to hear more about her escape and about Zan's birth. Even if she changed some facts to present herself in a positive light, he was interested in her versions.

But Tess didn't continue speaking because a helicopter could be heard approaching.

Max surveyed the area and looked for a street to turn onto that would not be in the helicopter's path. Unfortunately, there was nowhere to hide and he had to continue on the current road.

The helicopter flew directly above them and hovered there. Max's heart rate sped up as he drove faster than he did before, and he could hear Tess whisper something to Zan, though he was unable to make out her words. He turned to Tess and saw her attempt to hide herself and Zan with the oversized coat.

The helicopter remained above them for a few more seconds before it totally disappeared from site and could no longer be heard.

"We're close to Michael's," Max knew that Tess was aware of that, but he still said it. Maybe it was to reassure himself that they wouldn't have to be out in the open much longer.

He watched as she adjusted the oversized coat to reveal Zan's face. He knew he had seen Kyle wear that coat before. He had worn it everyday last winter. Kyle also owned the white top that Tess was currently wearing, even the corduroy pants she had on and the belt she was using to keep them on. Tess had wrapped Zan in a garbage bag, which was strange. Did she change out of very alien-looking clothes, or something? Looking at her choice of wardrobe and what she put on Zan made Max wonder what that other planet was like and her escape.

"What was it like?" Max asked.

Tess furrowed her brow like she didn't understand what he was asking.

"That other planet," he clarified. He couldn't refer to it as home because it wasn't home. Earth was. He barely remembered it and hardly felt a connection to that other place.

Tess' response was slow, like she was choosing her words wisely, "I stayed in the palace most of the time, in the library. I remembered spending a lot of time there in the past and no one really bothered me there. The only time I went outside was to take a walk in the garden. It was really beautiful, Max." She closed her eyes, "Antar has a wider range of colors than Earth. And smells, too. I felt calm whenever I was in the garden.

"During the end of my pregnancy I was put on bed rest, so I didn't get to see a lot of the planet."

"What about the people?" Max looked back and forth between Tess and the road. He knew she'd say the people were nice because they weren't her enemies, not at first, but he couldn't resist asking.

"I only met Kivar's guards, a doctor and nurses. They tried to make me feel comfortable, but I didn't really talk to them a lot," she shrugged.

"What did they look like?" Max realized this was the most interest he ever took in Antar. Last year, he rarely asked Tess about her memories, and now that he knew he'd definitely never return to that other planet, and had no reason to, he wanted to know about it.

"If you're really asking if they had five eyes and were three feet tall, no" she laughed for the first time since they reunited. "They looked human except their skin was translucent and their bone structure was pronounced. They were actually pretty," Tess said matter of factly.

"They looked human," Tess continued. "But they were a lot like Nasedo. They weren't emotional. The only thing that concerned them was reaching their end goal."

_"Like you,"_ Max thought. Tess was always more alien than human, thanks to Nasedo. She had a mission and didn't stop till it was accomplished. She talked non-stop about Antar, in the past. She tried to convince him how great that other planet was and how he needed to go back. He used to absolutely hate it, but if Tess didn't love talking about that planet, he wouldn't be hearing so much about it now.

"When I was giving birth, Zan was in danger at one point, and they were really calm and logical about it." Tess stopped speaking and she looked like she was contemplating saying something.

"What?" Max asked.

Tess waited, "I wish you were there when Zan was born." She had a loving look in her eyes, but Max remained unconvinced that she was being sincere.

"Do you think Kivar would've let me live long enough to see it?" Max asked in a sardonic tone.

She turned away to look out the window, but Max could see her reflection in the glass, and he saw her roll those pretty blue eyes of hers.

But what did she expect? She knew the moment Max, Michael and Isabel stepped foot on Antar, they'd be killed. She plotted for that to happen the moment she decided to fulfill Nasedo's deal with Kivar. What made her think Kivar would allow him to be present at his son's birth?

Max turned onto Michael's block and stopped the car in front of Michael's apartment. While turning the car off, Max gave out orders, "Let me walk in first. And don't say anything to piss Michael off."

Max took off his seatbelt and started to exit the vehicle.

"Max,"

He stopped and turned to Tess.

Tess bit her lip and tentatively reached out to him.

Max quickly, instinctively, backed away from her touch and wound up hitting the back of his head against the window, hard. _"Ouch,"_ he rubbed it.

Tess stopped trying to touch him. "I wasn't going to hurt you, Max," she sighed, loudly. In a frustrated, yet quiet, tone she explained, "I was going to share a memory with you..."

Max could see hurt in her eyes, which confused him. To be hurt by someone, didn't you have to care about them first? Tess certainly didn't care about him.

"I thought you'd want to see Zan's birth, but forget it," Tess turned away.

"Wait," Max blurted out. He didn't know what he was thinking. This could be a trick. She could probably get into his head and control him or shut his brain down, like Alex, but the prospect of seeing his son's birth was too good to pass up. "I want to see it."

Tess stayed still for a second and just looked at him. It was uncomfortable, really, because Tess' ice blue eyes staring at him made him feel like she was looking into his head, or soul, but then she reached out. Her warm fingers touched the side of his head.

Max kept his eyes locked with hers and he waited for her to do something.

"Relax," she said, softly.

_"Ava," a syrupy sweet voice called._

_Tess stubbornly kept her eyes closed while a sharp pain stabbed her entire body, and she tried to breathe, but she felt as if a very heavy person was sitting on her and preventing her from breathing._

_"Ava," the woman said again._

_"I can't," Tess said weakly, and slowly opened her eyes._

_She stared up at the ceiling and attempted to concentrate on the painted mural rather than the pressure she felt clamping down on her insides._

_The image was of a really pretty garden located on the palace's grounds. Tess loved it and felt the most relaxed when she spent time there. In the middle of the image was a massive waterfall. Surrounding the waterfall were many trees with gold, orange and purple leaves, which blew in the breeze. The leaves were falling off the trees in preparation for winter. An array of colorful flowers were planted all over and decorated the roof of a gazebo, located at the edge of the waterfall. Interesting-looking birds with yellow, white and red feathers flew upwards to the burnt sienna sky._

_Looking at the garden right now wasn't really helping._

_"I don't want to do this anymore," Tess averted her gaze from the animated 3D image. Her eyes fell on an older woman who sat on a chair at the end of the bed._

_"All you need to do is push a few more times and your son will be here. The pain will end, it'll all be over."_

_"But I can't," Tess repeated. "I'm tired. I've been doing this for..." Tess couldn't even think of how long she'd been in labor. She didn't have a watch and there wasn't a clock in the room to even gage the amount of time labor had taken. "Fifteen hours," Tess said the first number that popped into her head, though she was convinced the actual time was much longer._

_"I know you're tired, but I promise if you listen to my instructions everything will be okay. Your son is very close."_

_"Come on, Ava," another lady said as she wiped the sweat off Tess' forehead with a cloth. "Don't give up. You've never given up." The girl pushed Tess' sweat-soaked hair off her forehead._

_Tess looked at the red headed girl next to her. She was younger than the other female, but still older than Tess by at least ten years._

_And she was right, Tess wasn't one to give up. Not when everyone in Roswell wished she didn't exist, not when Nasedo died and she was left alone to teach the others about their home, and not when she returned to Antar alone and scared._

_But right now she felt physically unable to do anything except lie there._

_Tess turned away from the two women and looked at the corner of the room. A tall figure stood completely still in the shadows with its arms crossed over its chest._

_"Can you not stand there," Tess snapped._

_The figure stepped forward a few inches and came to a halt in front of a large window. The light from the setting sun made the handsome man's translucent skin look purple._

_"Why are you even here?" Tess questioned, angrily. "I don't want you here."_

_One of the ladies tried to calm her by making shushing sounds, but Tess ignored everyone._

_"I have every right to be here. My son is being born and I want to see it," Kivar's voice was deep and to others, it was soothing, but every time he spoke to Tess, she wanted to scream._

_"He is not your son," Tess stressed each word. "He's my son. Max is his father, not you." She noticed Kivar clenched his jaw, and she was happy that what she said made him angry._

_"Now, Ava, stay calm. I don't want your behavior to endanger my son," Kivar scolded as if she was a child._

_"I would never endanger my son," Tess barked. How dare he say she'd do anything to cause her son harm._

_"Ava," the nurse with the syrupy sweet voice interrupted, but Tess continued, "I told you once not to stand there. You can see everything from that angle."_

_Kivar moved forward, but Tess was still annoyed to have him nearby. She kept her eyes on him and glared at him._

_"Ava," the doctor repeated. "All the energy you used to yell at his Highness could've been used to push. Now pay attention to my voice, and my voice alone. I'll get you though this. Push."_

_Tess inhaled and used the small amount of energy she had to prop herself up on to her elbows._

_"Okay," she exhaled and squeezed her eyes shut before following the doctor's orders._

_The two women continually directed words of encouragement and instructions her way, and she focused on their musical voices. It helped until the burning sensation started. After that, their words were muffled. Tess grabbed the silk bed sheets beneath her. Her nails dug into her skin, but she didn't scream. Instead, she bit her lip and kept biting on it until she could taste blood._

_"Keep going," Tess thought. The burning built up and she could actually feel her son coming out of her._

_Unable to stop herself, Tess let out an ear piercing scream. Then, the pain went away like it never was experienced at all._

_Tess opened her eyes and collapsed on to her back. She saw the doctor walking away from the bed to a changing table. Her back was turned towards Tess, making it impossible for Tess to see her son._

_"How is he?" She tried to get out of the bed, but the younger girl held her back._

_"She's just cleaning him," she explained._

_"He's not crying," Tess felt like she was about to cry. "Why isn't he crying?"_

_She watched as Kivar went over to the changing table. He and the lady stood over the baby and mumbled something to each other._

_"What's going on?" Tess demanded._

_No one replied, but they didn't have to because the baby started to cry, loudly. A huge weight felt like it was lifted off Tess' shoulders._

_The doctor faced Tess, but she was unable to see what her son looked like. All she could see was the white cloth he was wrapped in. The doctor walked towards the door and didn't even look in Tess' direction as she did so._

_"Wait," Tess spoke up. "You said I could hold him," she looked straight at Kivar. The king's facial expression was unreadable. He just stood there, looking at her blankly, and that angered her even more. "You promised I could hold him."_

_No one spoke as the king and queen faced off, but Tess would not back down. The only noise was her son's loud cries, and Tess knew only her touch could stop her son from screaming his head off._

_The doctor looked at Kivar for direction. She was already halfway out the door. After five long seconds, Kivar nodded._

_"You can hold him for a minute," Kivar said to Tess while the doctor walked over to her and placed her son in her arms._

_"I'm his mother," Tess stared down at the beautiful baby. When the doctor placed her son in her arms, his crying did stop, like she knew it would. "I can hold him for as long as I want." Tess smiled at the bundle of joy in her arms. He was the most beautiful and perfect baby she'd ever seen. He had really rosy and round cheeks. His overall size was much smaller than she thought he'd be, too._

_The younger of the two ladies asked, "What will you name him?" She was looking over Tess' shoulder at the baby._

_"Zan," Tess answered without any hesitation. She didn't even have to look away from her son to know that the girls looked at Kivar to see his expression, or that Kivar was scowling._

_"Are you sure you want to name him that?" Kivar questioned._

_"His father's name is Zan, at least that's his real name, and it'll be his name, too," Tess smiled at her baby and traced his pink lips with her finger. He had a cute little nose and big blue eyes that were looking right at her._

_"I want to be alone with him," Tess spoke with authority. Neither Kivar nor the ladies moved at first, but when Kivar nodded his approval, the three of them left the room._

_The doctor, who was the last to leave, closed the door behind her._

_Tess waited until she couldn't hear their footsteps anymore before she started speaking._

_"Hey there, little guy." Tess' voice shook with emotion. She couldn't help it. The tears welled up in her eyes and fell down her cheeks, but she didn't wipe them away._

_Zan was real. Throughout her pregnancy, she felt him move a lot. She saw photos of him whenever she went for a check-up, but somehow she never thought the day would come where she could hold him in her arms._

_"You know," she spoke, softly. "No matter what Kivar tells you, I do love you. I know your real dad loves you, too. And I'm going to keep you safe, I promise." She bent down to lightly press her lips against his forehead._

_Zan was a part of her, he was a part of Max, and he was all she had left. No way in hell would she let Kivar take her son away._

The memory faded, but Tess kept her hand on Max's cheek. He felt her thumb caress him, but he did not move away from her, or look away, and he didn't speak. All he did was soak in the memory she shared. The memory felt so real, like he was actually in the room, and Max wanted to see more.

He knew she didn't change anything because there weren't any jumps in the scene and there were too many details, which would make it impossible for her to fake. Tess may have been powerful, and he was sure she had abilities that she never mentioned to him, but not even Tess was powerful enough to alter feelings or change events.

It was a strange notion, but Tess told the truth for once.

Seeing all of that made Max feel connected to Tess, more than he ever had before. He saw everything through her eyes, knew her thoughts and felt everything she was feeling. Her disdain for Kivar was overwhelming, so was her fear of the uncertain future, the joy she experienced due to holding and seeing her son after waiting so long to do so, sadness because Max wasn't there, and her need to protect Zan, but all of that paled in comparison to her unconditional love for Zan. Tess loved the child more than she had loved anyone, in both lives combined, and if he had not experienced that memory, Max would've never believed Tess was capable of loving anyone with that much intensity.

Max wanted to speak. He should probably thank her for letting him see his son's birth, but he couldn't say anything.

Tess removed her hand from Max's cheek and she was the first to look away. "We should go," she said quietly, and was already exiting the vehicle with Zan.

Max just sat there, more confused than ever about her true nature.


End file.
